With pride in their work, faith in their future and affection for themselves, an old writer dedicates this book to his young friends and pupils, George Sterling and Herman Scheffauer. A. B. Of the ver...

With pride in their work, faith in their future and affection for themselves, an old writer dedicates this book to his young friends and pupils, George Sterling and Herman Scheffauer. A. B....

Of the verses republished in this volume and the next, some are censorious, and in these the names of real persons are used without their consent; so it seems fit that a few words be said of the matte...

I know not if it was a dream. I viewed A city where the restless multitude, Between the eastern and the western deep Had reared gigantic fabrics, strong and rude. Colossal palaces crowned every height...

I know not if it was a dream. I viewed A city where the restless multitude, Between the eastern and the western deep Had reared gigantic fabrics, strong and rude. Colossal palaces crowned every height...

I know not if it was a dream. I came Unto a land where something seemed the same That I had known as ’twere but yesterday, But what it was I could not rightly name. It was a strange and melancholy lan...

Of life’s elixir I had writ, when sleep (Pray Heaven it spared him who the writing read!) Sealed upon my senses with so deep A stupefaction that men thought me dead. The centuries stole by with noisel...

What! “Out of danger?” Can the slighted Dame Or canting Pharisee no more defame? Will Treachery caress my hand no more, Nor Hatred lie alurk about my door?⁠— Ingratitude, with benefits dismissed, Not ...

’Twas a Venerable Person, whom I met one Sunday morning, All appareled as a prophet of a melancholy sect; And in a Jeremaid of objurgatory warning He lifted up his jodel to the following effect: “O ye...

In Bacon see the culminating prime Of Anglo-Saxon intellect and crime. He dies and Nature, settling his affairs, Parts his endowments among us, his heirs: To every one a pinch of brain for seed, And, ...

As sweet as the look of a lover Saluting the eyes of a maid, That blossom to blue as the maid Is ablush to the glances above her, The sunshine is gilding the glade And lifting the lark out of shade. S...

That land full surely hastens to its end Where public sycophants in homage bend The populace to flatter, and repeat The doubled echoes of its loud conceit. Lowly their attitude but high their aim, The...

With crow bones all the land is white, From the gates of morn to the gates of night. Picked clean, they lie on the cumbered ground, And the politician’s paunch is round; And he strokes it down and acr...

’Twas a sick young man with a face ungay And an eye that was all alone; And he shook his head in a hopeless way As he sat on a roadside stone. “O, ailing youth, what untoward fate Has made the sun to ...

You may say, if you please, Johnny Bull, that our girls Are crazy to marry your dukes and your earls; But I’ve heard that the maids of your own little isle Greet bachelor lords with a favoring smile. ...

Goddess of Liberty! O thou Whose tearless eyes behold the chain, And look unmoved upon the slain, Eternal peace upon thy brow⁠— Before thy shrine the races press, Thy perfect favor to implore⁠— The pr...

Hassan Bedreddin, clad in rags, ill-shod, Sought the great temple of the living God. The worshippers arose and drove him forth, And one in power beat him with a rod. “Allah,” he cried, “thou seest wha...

Brand Whitlock sped from Hell through space, To be remanded never⁠— For having such a saintly face, Set free forever, With due apology. He came To a world so base and bestial No tongue infernal spake ...

I drifted (or I seemed to) in a boat Upon the surface of a shoreless sea Whereon no ship nor anything did float, Save only the frail bark supporting me; And that⁠—it was so shadowy⁠—seemed to be Almos...

From the regions of the Night, Coming with recovered sight⁠— From the spell of darkness free, What will Danenhower see? He will see when he arrives, Doctors taking human lives. He will see a learned j...

What is the thing called Genius? One has said ’Tis general ability directed Into a special channel. One, instead, Proffers a definition much respected By toiling dullards: genius, he explains, Is infi...

Where the squalid town of Dae Irks the comfortable sea, Spreading webs to gather fish, As for wealth we set a wish, Dwelt a king by right divine, Sprung from Adam’s royal line, Town of Dae by the sea,...

False to his art and to the high command God laid upon him, Demagogo’s hand Beats all in vain the harp he thrilled before: It yields a jingle and it yields no more. No more the strings beneath his fin...

Once I “dipt into the future far as human eye could see,” And saw⁠—it was not Sandow, nor John Sullivan, but she⁠— Emancipated Woman, who was weeping as she ran Here and there for the discovery of Exp...

“Ours is a Christian army”; so he said A regiment of bangomen who led. “And ours a Christian navy,” added he Who sailed a thunder-junk upon the sea. Better they know than men unwarlike do What is an a...

When a fair bridge is builded o’er the gulf Between two cities, some ambitious fool, Hot for distinction, pleads for earliest leave To push his clumsy feet upon the span, That men in after years may s...

You promised to paint me a picture, Dear Mat, And I was to pay you in rhyme. Although I am loth to inflict your Most easy of consciences, I’m Of opinion that fibbing is awful, And breaking a contract ...

The way was long, the hill was steep, My footing scarcely I could keep. The night enshrouded me in gloom, I heard the ocean’s distant boom⁠— The trampling of the surges vast Was borne upon the rising ...

Yes, he was that, or that, as you prefer⁠— Did so-and-so, though, faith, it wasn’t all; Lived like a fool, or a philosopher, And had whatever’s needful to a fall. As rough inflections on a planet merg...

It is pleasant to think, as I’m watching my ink A-drying along my paper, That a monument fine will surely be mine When death has extinguished my taper. From each pitiless scribe of the critic tribe Pu...

O ye who push and fight To hear a wanton sing⁠— Who utter the delight That has the bogus ring⁠— O men mature in years, In understanding young, The membranes of whose ears She tickles with her tongue⁠—...

“The ships steam south From the harbor mouth In warlike, grim array! They load the seas, And on every breeze I hear the brass bands play As the squadrons steer away. “From each foreign shore They are ...

Once the Queen of Nether China (So benign a Messalina!) Said: “I’ll make a Naval Hero Without fear⁠—O brave as Nero! He shall dominate the ocean By promotion, that’s my notion. All my other sons of th...

In Ballybazoo the young men woo With the irresistible hob-nail shoe; But in Ghargharoo lived a maiden who Was pleased to remark that it wouldn’t do. From Ghargharoo to Ballybazoo This sternly dissenti...

The Sultan is a Muscleman; He’s full of vim and whack, And if you want a tussle man His back. Because he’s a Mahometan, They think him mighty slow. He’s quicker than a comet⁠—an Auto! He doesn’t often...

I dreamed, and in my dream came one who said: “Because thou art all sullen; and because Thou sayest thou hast not for thy country, love; Because thou dost begrudge the foolish blood That in the far he...

When Senator Foraker came to die His features lit up with a glow, And he said: “I am going to dwell on high And the Democrats down below. “I have kept the faith, I have fought the fight, To the Trusts...

Alas, we’ve fallen upon an evil time, Our journals are all in a rash of rhyme. Slang, “dialect,” the humor of the slum, Done into stanzas by the rule of thumb, The peasant word, the coarse, colloquial...

Our Administration Had made a new nation⁠— As new as a nation could be. A raven was flapping Above it and snapping His beak with a manifest glee. “O raven, what is it you see That causes the manifest ...

Let lowly theme engage my humble pen⁠— Stupidities of critics, not of men. Be it mine once more the maunderings to trace Of the expounders’ self-directed race⁠— Their wire-drawn fancies, finically fin...

Yes, the Summer girl is flirting on the beach, With a him. And the damboy is a-climbing for the peach, On the limb; Yes, the bullfrog is a-croaking And the dudelet is a-smoking Cigarettes; And the hac...

Posterity with all its eyes Will come and view him where he lies. Then, turning from the scene away With a concerted shrug, will say: “H’m, ‘Scarabaeus Sisyphus’⁠— What interest has that to us? We can...

Ere Gabriel’s note to silence died All graves of men were gaping wide. Then Charles A. Dana, of The Sun Rose slowly from the deepest one. “The dead in Christ rise first, ’tis writ,” Quoth he⁠—“ick, bi...

I muse upon the distant town In many a dreamy mood. Above my head the sunbeams crown The graveyard’s giant rood. The lupin blooms among the tombs, The quail recalls her brood. Ah, good it is to sit an...

Long ago the world was finer⁠— Why it failed I do not know: All the virtues were diviner; Robber, miser, and maligner Had not been created. No, Truth and honor flourished, though. Long ago. Sages in p...

“The world is young, perverse, and bad, The virtues all are wanting; The gods are dead and men are mad And wickedness is haunting The human heart, an honored guest, As robbers of the night infest A wa...

I know not how they come about⁠— These alterations in our spelling, But sometimes am disposed to doubt The efficacy of compelling (As still is done to one in school By threatening to whack or twist hi...

I dreamed I sailed along a tropic shore, The Line behind me and the Star before. A savage coast, it was, of wood and fen, And monkeys gabbled there, instead of men. Once, as the blessed sun his head u...

Jerome, you are a mighty famous man⁠— District Attorney, I believe they call you. Some shout your praise as loudly as they can, And some, apparently, just live to maul you. But whether good or ill rep...

Captain Purvis, for aught we know, Never slew a Filipino; Played exceeding well at polo, But invited not the bolo. Though his form was big and burly, And his fist was hard and knurly, And his cocktail...

George Dewey, dear, I did not think that you⁠— So very married and so happy, too⁠— Would go philandering with another girl And give your gay mustache a fetching curl And set your cap⁠—I should say you...

I do not think you rightly understand: My foolish tongue imperfectly has caught The trick of loving words, nor, as it ought, Serves the sweet purpose of the heart’s command. Dear, I’m untraveled in th...

Have ye heard what the news is, me darlint? The Fenians have threatened the Pope! But, begorra, I think there’s a snarl in’t That’s twisted it up like a rope. From a kink in the telescope. For the new...

You ask me why, though ill at ease, Within this region I subsist, Where honor’s dead, and law is hissed, And all men pillage as they please. It is the land where freemen kill In warm debate their part...

If I were screaming in a cage, Parrot mine, parrot mine, And you were rhyming on this page, Parrot mine, I’d try to shriek a fresher bit Of wisdom to excite your wit, Parrot mine. All you have said is...

Two villains of the highest rank Set out one night to rob a bank. They found the building, looked it o’er, Each window noted, tried each door, Scanned carefully the lidded hole For minstrels to cascad...

If the wicked gods were willing (Pray it never may be true!) That a universal chilling Should ensue Of the sentiment of loving⁠— If they made a great undoing Of the plan of turtle-doving, Then farewel...

Delay responsible? Why, then; my friend, Impeach Delay and you will make an end. Thrust vile Delay in jail and let it rot For doing all the things that it should not. Put not good-natured judges under...

“Liars for witnesses; for lawyers brutes Willing to lose their souls to win their suits; Cowards for jurors, and for judge a clown Who ne’er took up the law, yet lays it down; Justice denied, authorit...

“What is this I see, what is this I see In this year of our Lord 3003? What ruins are spread in confusion wide Over hill and plain by Potomac’s side?” “These, traveler, these are the leveled stones At...

When I was young and full of faith And other fads that youngsters cherish A cry rose as of one that saith With emphasis: “Help or I perish!” ’Twas heard in all the land, and men The sound were each to...

Slain as they lay by the secret, slow, Pitiless hand of an unseen foe, Two score thousand old soldiers have crossed The river to join the loved and lost. In the space of a year their spirits fled, Sil...

O hoary sculptor, stay thy hand: I fain would view the lettered stone. What carvest thou?⁠—perchance some grand And solemn fancy all thine own. For oft to know the fitting word Some humble worker God ...

I saw a man who knelt in prayer, And heard him say: “I’ll lay my inmost spirit bare To-day. “Lord, for to-morrow and its need I do not pray; Let me upon my neighbor feed To-day. “Let me my duty duly s...

A famous journalist, who long Had told the great unheaded throng Whate’er they thought, by day or night, Was true as Holy Writ, and right, Was caught in⁠—well, on second thought, It is enough that he ...

“Good morning,” said Garfield, extending his hand, To Mr. Parnell in the Heavenly Land. “Good morning, good morning,” said Mr. Parnell; “I hope (though ’tis needless to ask) you are well. How sweetly ...

How well this man unfolded to our view The world’s beliefs of Death and Heaven and Hell⁠— This man whose own convictions none could tell, Nor if his maze of reason had a clew. Dogmas he wrote for dail...

It is a politician man⁠— He draweth near his end, And friends weep round that partisan, Of every man the friend. Between the Known and the Unknown He lieth on the strand; The light upon the sea is thr...

Father! whose hard and cruel law Is part of thy compassion’s plan, Thy works presumptuously we scan For what the prophets say they saw. Unbidden still the awful slope Walling us in we climb to gain As...

Of Hans Pietro Shanahan (Who was a most ingenious man) The Muse of History records That he’d get drunk as twenty lords. He’d get so truly drunk that men Stood by to marvel at him when His slow advance...

Each to his taste: some men prefer to play At mystery, as others at piquet. Some sit in mystic meditation; some Parade the street with tambourine and drum. One studies to decipher ancient lore Which, ...

We heard a song-bird trilling⁠— ’Twas but a day ago. Such rapture he was rilling As only we could know. This morning he is flinging His music from the tree, But something in the singing Is not the sam...

’Twas a serious person with locks of gray And a figure like a crescent; His gravity, clearly, had come to stay, But his smile was evanescent. He stood and conversed with a neighbor and With (likewise)...

O nonsense, parson⁠—tell me not they thrive And jubilate who follow your dictation. The good are the unhappiest lot alive⁠— I know they are from careful observation. If freedom from the terrors of dam...

Because from Folly’s lips you got Some babbled mandate to subdue The realm of Common Sense, and you Made promise and considered not⁠— Because you strike a random blow At what you do not understand, An...

Tuckerton Tamerlane Morey Mahosh Is a statesman of world-wide fame, With a notable knack at rhetorical bosh To glorify somebody’s name⁠— Somebody chosen by Tuckerton’s masters To succor the country fr...

Time was, not very long ago, As by historians time is reckoned, When first of virtues here below Was hatred of secession, though Some swore it wasn’t even second; But these (they mostly were down Sout...

They say, Brig. Roberts, you have seven wives, And every one a beauty! As to that I’m not informed; in the domestic hives Of Utah, where I’ve sometimes hung my hat, Not all the dames were comely. Like...

We blench when maniacs to dance begin. What makes a skull so dreadful is the grin. When horrible and ludicrous unite, Our sense of humor does but feed our fright. As the shocked spirit with a double d...

Cuba, our pupil, let thy glory shine⁠— Our own is brighter, but effulgent thine! Lately thine arms struck terror to the foe, And now thy hands bring treasuries to woe! Daughter of Terrors, Mother of A...

Once, in the olden time, a certain King (But where he reigned I know not) said: “Go bring My Chief Adviser here before the throne. And cut his head off clear down to the bone!” “With pleasure, Sire,” ...

O Liberty, God-gifted⁠— Young and immortal maid⁠— In your high hand uplifted, The torch declares your trade. Its crimson menace, flaming Upon the sea and shore, Is, trumpet-like, proclaiming That Law ...

Christmas, you tell me, comes but once a year. One place it never comes, and that is here. Here, in these pages no good wishes spring, No well-worn greetings tediously ring⁠— For Christmas greetings a...

Erected to “Boss” Shepherd by the dear Good folk he lived and moved among in peace⁠— Guarded on either hand by the police, With soldiers in his front and in his rear....

The polecat, sovereign of its native wood, Dashes damnation upon bad and good; The health of all the upas trees impairs By exhalations deadlier than theirs; Poisons the rattlesnake and warts the toad⁠...

“O, I’m the Unaverage Man, But you never have heard of me, For my brother, the Average Man, outran My fame with rapiditee, And I’m sunk in Oblivion’s sea; But my bully big brother the world can span W...

Oft from a trading-boat I purchased spice And shells and corals, brought for my inspection From the fair tropics⁠—paid a Christian price And was content in my fool’s paradise, Where never had been hea...

I died. As meekly in the earth I lay, With shriveled fingers reverently folded, The worm⁠—uncivil engineer!⁠—my clay Tunneled industriously, and the mole did. My body could not dodge them, but my soul...

Beauty (they called her) wasn’t a maid Of many things in the world afraid. She wasn’t a maid who turned and fled At sight of a mouse, alive or dead. She wasn’t a maid a man could “shoo” By shouting, h...

How blest the land that counts among Her sons so many good and wise, To execute great feats of tongue When troubles rise. Behold them mounting every stump By speech our liberty to guard. Observe their...

Scene⁠—A lawyer’s dreadful den. Enter stall-fed citizen. Lawyer: Mornin’. How-de-do? Citizen: Sir, same to you. Called as counsel to retain you In a case that I’ll explain you. Sad, so sad! Heart almo...

In that fair city, Ispahan, There dwelt a problematic man, Whose angel never was released, Who never once let out his beast, But kept, through all the seasons’ round, Silence unbroken and profound. No...

’Twas a maiden lady, the newspapers say, Pious and prim and a bit gone-gray. She slept like an angel, holy and white, Till ten o’clock in the shank o’ the night, When men and other wild animals prey, ...

Jack Doe met Dick Roe, whose wife he loved, And said: “I will get the best of him.” So pulling a knife from his boot, he shoved It up to the hilt in the breast of him. Then he moved that weapon forth ...

Of a person known as Peters I will humbly crave your leave An unusual adventure into narrative to weave⁠— Mr. William Perry Peters, of the town of Muscatel, A public educator and an orator as well. Mr...

Saponacea, wert thou not so fair I’d curse thee for thy multitude of sins⁠— For sending home my clothes all full of pins, A shirt occasionally that’s a snare And a delusion, got, the Lord knows where,...

One thousand years I slept beneath the sod, My sleep in 1901 beginning, Then, by the action of some scurvy god Who happened then to recollect my sinning, I was revived and given another inning. On bre...

Alas for ambition’s possessor! Alas for the famous and proud! The Isle of Manhattan’s best dresser Is wearing a hand-me-down shroud. The world has forgotten his glory; The wagoner sings on his wain, A...

The skies they were ashen and sober, The leaves they were crisped and sere⁠— ” ” ” ” withering ” ” It was night in the lonesome October Of my most immemorial year; It was hard by the dim lake of Auber...

Little’s the good to sit and grieve Because the serpent tempted Eve. Better to wipe your eyes and take A club and go out and kill a snake. But if you prefer, as I suspect, To philosophize, why, then, ...

Alas, alas, for the tourist’s guide!⁠— He turned from the beaten trail aside, Wandered bewildered, lay down and died. O grim is the Irony of Fate: It switches the man of low estate And loosens the dog...

Republicans think Jonas Bimm A Democrat gone mad, And Democrats consider him Republican and bad. The Lout reviles him as a Dude And gives it him right hot; The Dude condemns his crassitude And calls h...

Beneath my window twilight made Familiar mysteries of shade. Faint voices from the darkening down Were calling vaguely to the town. Intent upon a low, far gleam That burned upon the world’s extreme, I...

Come, gentlemen⁠—your gold. Thanks; welcome to the show, To hear a story told In words you do not know. Now, great Salvini, rise And thunder through your tears! Aha! friends, let your eyes Interpret t...

I lay in silence, dead. A woman came And laid a rose upon my breast and said: “May God be merciful.” She spoke my name, And added: “It is strange to think him dead. “He loved me well enough, but ’twas...

For Gladstone’s portrait five thousand pounds Were paid, ’tis said, to Sir John Millais. I cannot help thinking that such fine pay Transcended reason’s uttermost bounds. For it seems to me uncommonly ...

When at your window radiant you’ve stood I’ve sometimes thought⁠—forgive me if I erred⁠— That some slight thought of me perhaps has stirred Your heart to beat less gently than it should. I know you be...

Grief for an absent lover, husband, friend, Is barely felt before it comes to end: A score of early consolations serve To modify its mouth’s dejected curve. But woes of creditors when debtors flee For...

God said: “Let there be Man,” and from the clay Adam came forth and, thoughtful, walked away. The matrix whence his body was obtained, An empty, man-shaped cavity, remained All unregarded from that ea...

“ ‘Let there be Liberty!’ God said, and, lo! The skies were red and luminous. The glow Struck first Columbia’s kindling mountain peaks One hundred and eleven years ago!” So sang a patriot whom once I ...

The sullen church-bell’s intermittent moan, The dirge’s melancholy monotone, The measured march, the drooping flags, attest A great man’s progress to his place of rest. Along broad avenues himself dec...

Not as two errant spheres together grind With monstrous ruin in the vast of space, Destruction born of that malign embrace, Their hapless peoples all to death consigned⁠— Not so when our intangible wo...

When, long ago, the young world circling flew Through wider reaches of a richer blue, New-eyed, the men and maids saw, manifest, The thoughts untold in one another’s breast⁠— Each wish displayed, and ...

Tom Jonesmith: Loquitur. I’ve slept right through The night⁠—a rather clever thing to do. How soundly women sleep looks at his wife. They’re all alike. The sweetest thing in life Is woman when she lie...

Noting some great man’s composition vile: A head of wisdom and a heart of guile, A will to conquer and a soul to dare, Joined to the manners of a dancing bear, Fools unaccustomed to the wide survey Of...

She stood at the ticket-seller’s Serenely removing her glove, While hundreds of strugglers and yellers, And some that were good at a shove, Were clustered behind her like bats in a cave and dissemblin...

Upon this quarter-eagle’s leveled face, The Lord’s Prayer, legibly inscribed, I trace. “Our Father which”⁠—the pronoun there is funny, And shows the scribe to have addressed the money⁠— “Which art in ...

Congressman Rixey, you’re a statesman⁠—you Yourself will hardly say that you are not; And yet I know not what you hope to do For those Confederates whose luckless lot Is to have lived through storms o...

My people come to me and make their moan: “We starve, your Majesty⁠—give us a stone.” That’s flat rebellion!⁠—how the devil dare They starve right in my capital? Their prayer For something in their be...

Once on a time, so ancient poets sing, There reigned in Godknowswhere a certain king. So great a monarch ne’er before was seen: He was a hero, even to his queen, In whose respect he held so high a pla...

When Liberverm resigned the chair Of This or That in college, where For two decades he had gorged his brain With more than it could well contain, In order to relieve the stress He took to writing for ...

O very remarkable mortal, What food is engaging your jaws And staining with amber their portal? “It’s ’baccy I chaws.” And why do you sway in your walking, To right and left many degrees, And hitch up...

“I beg you to note,” said a Man to a Goose, As he plucked from her bosom the plumage all loose, “That pillows and cushions of feathers, and beds As warm as maids’ hearts and as soft as their heads, In...

I reckon that ye never knew, That dandy slugger, Tom Carew. He had a touch as light an’ free As that of any honey-bee; But where it lit there wasn’t much To jestify another touch. O, what a Sunday-sch...

As time rolled on the whole world came to be A desolation and a darksome curse; And someone said: “The changes that you see In the fair frame of things, from bad to worse, Are wrought by strikes. The ...

“The world is dull,” I cried in my despair: “Its myths and fables are no longer fair. “Roll back thy centuries, O Father Time: To Greece transport me in her golden prime. “Give back the beautiful old ...

When Gertrude Atherton pronounced the ladies Of fair Manhattan hideous as Hades⁠— In eyes no splendor, and in cheeks no roses, And, O ye godlings! rudimentary noses⁠— To pass a bad half-hour before th...

Sleep fell upon my senses and I dreamed Long years had circled since my life had fled. The world was different, and all things seemed Remote and strange, like noises to the dead. And one great Voice t...

I had a dream. A throng of people sped Hard after something that before them fled⁠— A ball that leapt and bounded. I pursued, Kicking, like all the rest, at Bryan’s head. Ah, God, it was indeed a ghas...

Enoch Arden was an able Seaman; hear of his mishap⁠— Not in wild mendacious fable, As ’twas told by t’other chap; For I hold it is a youthful Indiscretion to tell lies, And the writer that is truthful...

Two bodies are lying in Phoenix Park, Grim and bloody and stiff and stark, And a Land League man with averted eye Crosses himself as he hurries by. And he says to his conscience under his breath: “I h...

I ne’er could be entirely fond Of any maiden who’s a blonde, And no brunette that e’er I saw My whole devotion e’er could draw. Yet sure no girl was ever made Just half of light and half of shade. And...

From pride, joy, hate, greed, melancholy⁠— From any kind of vice, or folly, Bias, propensity or passion That is in prevalence and fashion, Save one, the sufferer or lover May, by the grace of God, rec...

Hail, peerless Pun! thou last and best, Most rare and excellent bequest Of dying idiot to the wit He died of, rat-like, in a pit! Thyself disguised, in many a way Thou let’st thy sudden splendor play,...

Dear, if I never saw your face again; If all the music of your voice were mute As that of a forlorn and broken lute; If only in my dreams I might attain The benediction of your touch, how vain Were Fa...

Down in the state of Maine, the story goes, A woman, to secure a lapsing pension, Married a soldier⁠—though the good Lord knows That very common act scarce takes attention. What makes it worthy to be ...

“Resolved that we will post,” the tradesmen say, “All names of debtors who do never pay.” “Whose shall be first?” inquires the ready scribe⁠— “Who are the chiefs of the marauding tribe?” Lo! high Parn...

“Authority, authority!” they shout Whose minds, not large enough to hold a doubt, Some chance opinion ever entertain, By dogma billeted upon their brain. “Ha!” they exclaim with choreatic glee, “Here’...

The King of Scotland, years and years ago, Convened his courtiers in a gallant row And thus addressed them: “Gentle sirs, from you Abundant counsel I have had, and true: What laws to make to serve the...

When lion and lamb have together lain down Spectators cry out, all in chorus: “The lamb doesn’t shrink nor the lion frown⁠— A miracle’s working before us!” But ’tis patent why Hot-head his wrath holds...

The Superintendent of an Almshouse. A Pauper. Superintendent: So you’re unthankful⁠—you’ll not eat the bird? You sit about the place all day and gird. I understand you’ll not attend the ball That’s to...

Daughter of God! Audacity divine⁠— Of clowns the terror and of brains the sign⁠— Not thou the inspirer of the rushing fool, Not thine of idiots the vocal drool: Thy bastard sister of the brow of brass...

Cheeta Raibama Chunder Sen, The wisest and the best of men, Betook him to the place where sat With folded feet upon a mat Of precious stones beneath a palm, In sweet and everlasting calm, That ancient...

The lily cranks, the lily cranks, The loppy, loony lasses! They multiply in rising ranks To execute their solemn pranks, They moon along in masses. Blow, sweet lily, in the shade! O, Sunflower decorat...

Time was the local poets sang their songs Beneath their breath in terror of the thongs I snapped about their shins. Though mild the stroke Bards, like the conies, are “a feeble folk,” Fearing all nois...

Dull were the days and sober, The mountains were brown and bare, For the season was sad October And a dirge was in the air. The mated starlings flew over To the isles of the southern sea. She wept for...

Wild wanton Luxury lays waste the land With difficulty tilled by Thrift’s hard hand! Then dies the State!⁠—and, in its carcass found, The millionaires all maggot-like abound. Alas! was it for this tha...

A bull imprisoned in a stall Broke boldly the confining wall, And found himself, when out of bounds, Within a washerwoman’s grounds. Where, hanging on a line to dry, A crimson skirt inflamed his eye. ...

The showman (blessing in a thousand shapes!) Parades a “School of Educated Apes!” Small education’s needed, I opine, Or native wit, to make a monkey shine. The brute exhibited has naught to do But ape...

’Twas a weary-looking mortal, and he wandered near the portal Of the melancholy City of the Discontented Dead. He was pale and worn exceeding and his manner was unheeding, As if it could not matter wh...

When Man and Woman had been made, All but the disposition, The Devil to the workshop strayed, And somehow gained admission. The Master rested from his work, For this was on a Sunday, The man was snori...

Dim, grim, and silent as a ghost, The sentry occupied his post, To all the stirrings of the night Alert of ear and sharp of sight. A sudden something⁠—sight or sound, About, above, or underground, He ...

So, Beecher’s dead. His was a great soul, too⁠— Great as a giant organ is, whose reeds Hold in them all the souls of all the creeds That man has ever taught and never knew. When on this mighty instrum...

“I saw your charms in another’s arms,” Said a Grecian swain with his blood a-boil; “And he kissed you fair as he held you there, A willing bird in a serpent’s coil!” The maid looked up from the cinctu...

With saintly grace and reverent tread, She walked among the graves with me; Her every foot-fall seemed to be A benediction on the dead. The guardian spirit of the place She seemed, and I some ghost fo...

I step from the door with a shiver (This fog is uncommonly cold) And ask myself: What did I give her?⁠— The maiden a trifle gone-old, With the head of gray hair that was gold. Ah, well, I suppose ’twa...

To Parmentier Parisians raise A statue fine and large: He cooked potatoes fifty ways, Nor ever led a charge. “Palmam qui meruit”⁠—the rest You knew as well as I; And best of all to him that best Of sa...

What! photograph in colors? ’Tis a dream And he who dreams it is not overwise, If colors are vibration they but seem, And have no being. But if Tyndall lies, Why, come, then⁠—photograph my lady’s eyes...

Over the man the street car ran, And the driver did never grin. “O killer of men, pray tell me when Your laughter means to begin. “Ten years to a day I’ve observed you slay, And I never have missed be...

Thy gift, if that it be of God, Thou hast no warrant to appraise, Nor say: “Here part, O Muse, our ways, The road too stony to be trod.” Not thine to call the labor hard And the reward inadequate. Who...

“What is that, mother?” “The humorist, child. His hands are black, but his heart is mild.” “May I touch him, mother?” “ ’Twere needlessly done: He is slightly touched already, my son.” “O, why does he...

I saw⁠—’twas in a dream the other night⁠— A man whose hair with age was thin and white: One hundred years had bettered by his birth, And still his step was firm, his eye was bright. Before him and abo...

I’m told that men have sometimes got Too confidential, and Have said to one another what They⁠—well, you understand. I hope I don’t offend you, sweet, But are you sure that you’re discreet? ’Tis true,...

’Tis the census enumerator A-singing all forlorn: It’s ho! for the tall potater, And ho! for the clustered corn. The whiffle-tree bends in the breeze and the fine Large eggs are a-ripening on the vine...

Baffled he stands upon the track⁠— The automatic switches clack. Where’er he turns his solemn eyes The interlocking signals rise. The trains, before his visage pale, Glide smoothly by, nor leave the r...

Newman, in you two parasites combine: As tapeworm and as graveworm too you shine. When on the virtues of the quick you’ve dwelt, The pride of residence was all you felt (What vain vulgarian the wish n...

Despots effete upon tottering thrones Unsteadily poised upon dead men’s bones, Walk up! walk up! the circus is free, And this wonderful spectacle you shall see: Millions of voters who mostly are fools...

“O warrior with the burnished arms, With bullion cord and tassel, Pray tell me of the lurid charms Of service and its fierce alarms: The storming of the castle, The charge across the smoking field, Th...

Because you call yourself Knights Templars, and There’s neither Knight nor Temple in the land⁠— Because you thus by vain pretense degrade To paltry purposes traditions grand⁠— Because to cheat the ign...

“Σάς ὰγαπῶ, σάς ὰγαπῶ,” He sang beneath her lattice. “Sas agapo?” she murmured⁠—“O, I wonder, now, what that is!” Was she less fair that she did bear So light a load of knowledge? Are tender looks got...

“O father, I saw at the church as I passed The populace gathered in numbers so vast That they couldn’t get in; and their voices were low, And they looked as if suffering terrible woe.” “ ’Twas the fun...

“ ’Tis a woeful yarn,” said the sailorman bold Who had sailed the northern lakes⁠— “No woefuler one has ever been told, Exceptin’ them called ‘fakes.’ ” “Go on, thou son of the wind and fog, For I bur...

O, heavenly powers! will wonders never cease?⁠— Hair upon dogs and feathers upon geese! The boys in mischief and the pigs in mire! The drinking water wet! the coal on fire! In meadows, rivulets surpas...

Filled with a zeal to serve my fellow men, For years I criticised their prose and verses: Pointed out all their blunders of the pen, Their shallowness of thought and feeling; then Damned them up hill ...

Once with Christ he entered Salem, Once in Moab bullied Balaam, Once by Apuleius staged He the pious much enraged, And, again, his head, as beaver, Topped the neck of Nick the Weaver. Omar saw him (mi...

Saint Peter at the gate of Heaven displayed The tools and terrors of his awful trade; The key, the frown as pitiless as night, That slays intending trespassers at sight, And, at his side in easy reach...

The Widows of Ashur Are loud in their wailing: “No longer the ‘masher’ Sees Widows of Ashur!” So each is a lasher Of Man’s smallest failing. The Widows of Ashur Are loud in their wailing. The Cave of ...

Sir Impycu Lacquit, from over the sea, Has led to the altar Miss Bloatie Bondee. The wedding took place at the Church of St. Blare; The fashion, the rank and the wealth were all there⁠— No person was ...

Dudley, great placeman, man of mark and note, Worthy of honor from a feeble pen Blunted in service of all true, good men, You serve the Lord⁠—in courses, table d’hôte: Au naturel, as well as à la Nick...

I drew aside the Future’s veil And saw upon his bier The poet Whitman. Loud the wail And damp the falling tear. “He’s dead⁠—he is no more!” one cried, With sobs of sorrow crammed; “No more? He’s this ...

Mrs. Mehitable Marcia Moore Was a dame of superior mind, With a gown which, modestly fitting before, Was greatly puffed up behind. The bustle she wore was ingeniously planned With an inspiration brigh...

Did I believe the angels soon would call You, my beloved, to the other shore, And I should never see you any more, I love you so I know that I should fall Into dejection utterly, and all Love’s pretty...

They were two deaf mutes. They loved and they Resolved to be groom and bride; And they listened to nothing that any could say, Nor ever a word replied. From wedlock when warned by the married men, Mai...

A spitcat sate on a garden gate And a snapdog fared beneath; Careless and free was his mien, and he Held a fiddle-string in his teeth. She marked his march, she wrought an arch Of her back and blew up...

When Adam first saw Eve he said: “O lovely creature, share my bed.” Before consenting, she her gaze Fixed on the greensward to appraise, As well as vision could avouch, The value of the proffered couc...

Och! Father McGlynn, Ye appear to be in Fer a bit of a bout wid the Pope; An’ there’s devil a doubt But he’s knockin’ ye out While ye’re hangin’ onto the rope. An’ soon ye’ll lave home To thravel to R...

When, with the force of a ram that discharges its ponderous body Straight at the rear elevation of the luckless culler of simples, The foot of Herculean Kilgore⁠—statesman of surname suggestive Or car...

What, madam, run for School Director? You? And want my vote and influence? Well, well, That beats me! Gad! what are we coming to? In all my life I never have heard tell Of such sublime presumption, an...

Down in Southern Arizona where the Gila monster thrives, And the “Mescalero,” gifted with a hundred thousand lives, Every hour renounces one of them by drinking liquid flame⁠— The assassinating wassai...

Upon my desk a single spray, With starry blossoms fraught. I write in many an idle way, Thinking one serious thought. “O flowers, a fine Greek name ye bear, And with a fine Greek grace.” (Be still, O ...

Come in, old gentleman. How do you do? Delighted, I’m sure, that you’ve called. I’m a sociable sort of a chap and you Are a pleasant-appearing person, too, With a head agreeably bald. That’s right⁠—si...

A Countess (so they tell the tale) Who dwelt of old in Arno’s vale, Where ladies, even of high degree, Know more of love than of A.B.C., Came once with a prodigious bribe Unto the learned village scri...

What! imitate me, friend? Suppose that you With agony and difficulty do What I do easily⁠—what then? You’ve got A style I heartily wish I had not. If I from lack of sense and you from choice Grieve th...

He looked upon the ships as they All idly lay at anchor, Their sides with gorgeous workmen gay⁠— The riveter and planker⁠— Republicans and Democrats, Statesmen and politicians. He saw the swarm of pru...

In Congress once great Mowther shone, Debating weighty matters; Now into an asylum thrown, He vacuously chatters. If in that legislative hall His wisdom still he’d vented, It never had been known at a...

Ben Bulger was a silver man, Though not a mine had he: He thought it were a noble plan To make the coinage free. “There hain’t for years been sech a time,” Said Ben to his bull pup, “For biz⁠—the coun...

To bucks and ewes by the Good Shepherd fed The Priest delivers masses for the dead, And even from estrays outside the fold Death for the masses he would not withhold. The Parson, loth alike to free or...

Observe, dear Lord, what lively pranks Are played by sentimental cranks! First this one mounts his hinder hoofs And brays the chimneys off the roofs; Then that one, with exalted voice, Expounds the th...

Must you, Carnegie, evermore explain Your worth, and all the reasons give again Why black and red are similarly white And you and God identically right? Still must our ears without redress submit To h...

Unhappy State! with horrors still to strive: Thy Hugo dead, thy Boulanger alive; A Prince who’d govern where he dares not dwell, And who for power would his birthright sell⁠— Who, eager o’er his enemi...

Death, are you well? I trust you have no cough That’s painful or in any way annoying⁠— No kidney trouble that may carry you off, Nor heart disease to keep you from enjoying Your meals⁠—and ours. ’Twer...

Dom Pedro, Emperor of far Brazil (Whence coffee comes, and the three-cornered nut) They say that you’re imperially ill, And threatened with paralysis. Tut-tut! Though Emperors are mortal, nothing but ...

God’s people sorely were oppressed, I heard their lamentations long;⁠— I hear their singing, clear and strong, I see their banners in the West! The captains shout the battle-cry, The legions muster in...

Because that I am weak, my love, and ill I cannot follow the impatient feet Of my desire, but sit and watch the beat Of the unpitying pendulum fulfill The hour appointed for the air to thrill And brig...

Abundant bores afflict this world, and some Are bores of magnitude that come and⁠—no, They’re always coming, but they never go⁠— Like funeral pageants, as they drone and hum Their lurid nonsense like ...

What wrecked the Roman power? One says vice, Another indolence, another dice. Emascle says polygamy. “Not so,” Says Impycu⁠—“ ’twas luxury and show.” The parson, lifting up a brow of brass, Swears sup...

To a hunter from the city, Overtaken by the night, Spake, in tones of tender pity For himself, an aged wight: “I have found the world a fountain Of deceit and Life a sham. I have taken to the mountain...

A merry Christmas? Prudent, as I live!⁠— You wish me something that you need not give. Merry or sad, what does it signify? To you ’tis equal if I laugh, or die. Your hollow greeting, like a parrot’s j...

A traveler observed one day A loaded fruit-tree by the way. And reining in his horse exclaimed: “The man is greatly to be blamed Who, careless of good morals, leaves Temptation in the way of thieves. ...

Cried Allen Forman: “Doctor, pray Compose my spirit’s strife: O what may be my chances, say, Of living all my life? “For lately I have dreamed of high And hempen dissolution! O doctor, doctor, how can...

O, hadst thou died when thou wert great, When at thy feet a nation knelt To sob the gratitude it felt And thank the Saviour of the State, Gods might have envied thee thy fate! Then was the laurel roun...

A recent republication of the late Gen. John A. Dix’s disappointing translation of this famous medieval hymn, together with some researches into its history, which I happened to be making at the time,...

Day of Satan’s painful duty! Earth shall vanish, hot and sooty; So says Virtue, so says Beauty. Ah! what terror shall be shaping When the Judge the truth’s undraping⁠— Cats from every bag escaping! No...

See, Lord, fanatics all arrayed For revolution! To foil their villainous crusade Unsheathe again the sacred blade Of persecution. What though through long disuse ’tis grown A trifle rusty? ’Gainst mod...

“What’s in the paper?” Oh, it’s dev’lish dull: There’s nothing happening at all⁠—a lull After the war-storm. Mr. Someone’s wife Killed by her lover with, I think, a knife. A fire on Blank Street and s...

The Church’s compass, if you please, Has two or three (or more) degrees Of variation; And many a soul has gone to grief On this or that or t’other reef Through faith unreckoning or brief Miscalculatio...

“What are those, father?” “Statesmen, my child⁠— Lachrymose, unparliamentary, wild.” “What are they that way for, father?” “Last fall, ‘Our candidate’s better,’ they said, ‘than all!’ ” “What did they...

“You know, my friends, with what a brave carouse I made a second marriage in my house⁠— Divorced old barren Reason from my bed And took the Daughter of the Vine to spouse.” So sang the Lord of Poets. ...

A man born blind received his sight By a painful operation; And these are things he saw in the light Of an infant observation. He saw a merchant, good and wise And greatly, too, respected, Who looked,...

I dreamed that I was dead. The years went by: The world forgot that such a man as I Had lived and written, although other names Were hailed with homage, in their turn to die. Out of my grave a giant b...

The rain is fierce, it flogs the earth, And man’s in danger. O that my mother at my birth Had borne a stranger! The flooded ground is all around. The depth uncommon. How blest I’d be if only she Had b...

Tut-tut! give back the flags⁠—how can you care, You veterans and heroes? Why should you at a kind intention swear Like twenty Neros? Suppose the act was not so overwise⁠— Suppose it was illegal; Is’t ...

A rat who’d gorged a box of bane And suffered an internal pain Came from his hole to die (the label Required it if the rat were able) And found outside his habitat A limpid stream. Of bane and rat ’Tw...

Well, I’ve met her again⁠—at the Mission. She’d told me to see her no more; It was not a command⁠—a petition; I’d granted it once before. Yes, granted it, hoping she’d write me, Repenting her virtuous...

As the poor ass that from his paddock strays Might sound abroad his field-companions’ praise, Recounting volubly their well-bred leer, Their port impressive and their wealth of ear, Mistaking for the ...

Well, well, old Father Christmas, is it you, With your thick neck and thin pretense of virtue? Less redness in the nose⁠—nay, even some blue, Would not, I think, particularly hurt you. When seen close...

I know not how it is⁠—it seems Fantastic and surprising That after all these dreams and dreams, Here in the sun’s first level beams, The sun is still just rising! When first he showed his sovereign fa...

Successive bards pursue Ambition’s fire That shines, Oblivion, above thy mire. The latest mounts his predecessor’s trunk, And sinks his brother ere himself is sunk. So die ingloriously Fame’s elite, B...

Successive bards pursue Ambition’s fire That shines, Oblivion, above thy mire. The latest mounts his predecessor’s trunk, And sinks his brother ere himself is sunk. So die ingloriously Fame’s elite, B...

Why ask me, Gastrogogue, to dine, (Unless to praise your rascal wine) Yet never ask some luckless sinner Who needs, as I do not, a dinner?...

“To the will of the people we loyally bow!” That’s the minority shibboleth now. O noble antagonists, answer me flat⁠— What would you do if you didn’t do that?...

“I’m sorry I married,” says Upton Sinclair: “The conjugal status is awful!⁠— The devil’s device, a delusion and snare.” Worse, far worse than that⁠—it is lawful!...

Philander Knox!⁠—I know him by the sound; His sleep, unlike his learning, is profound. No dreams of duty mar his loud repose, Nor strain the cobwebs tethering his nose, Which, roaring ever like the so...

Says Rockefeller: “Money is not tight,” And, faith, I’m thinking that the man is right. If it were not, at least in morals, loose He hardly could command it for his use....

Lo! the wild rabbit, happy in the pride Of qualities to meaner beasts denied, Surveys the ass with reverence and fear, Adoring his superior length of ear, And says: “No living creature, lean or fat, B...

Let slaves and subjects with extolling psalms Before their sovereign execute salaams; The freeman scorns one idol to adore⁠— Tom, Dick, and Harry and himself are four....

A is defrauded of his land by B, Who’s driven from the premises by C. D buys the place with coin of plundered E. “That A’s an Anarchist!” says F to G....

An “actors’ cemetery”! Sure The devil never tires Of planning places to procure The sticks to feed his fires....

Another Irish landlord gone to grass, Slain by the bullets of the tenant class! Pray, good agrarians, what wrong requires Such foul redress? Between you and the squires All Ireland’s parted with an ev...

“You acted unwisely,” I cried, “as you see By the outcome.” He calmly eyed me: “When choosing the course of my action,” said he, “I had not the outcome to guide me.”...

“Let patriots manipulate The tiller of the Ship of State; Be mine the humble, useful toil To work the tiller of the soil.”...

Stoop to a dirty trick or low misdeed? What, bend him from his moral skies to it? No, no, not he! To serve his nature’s need He may upon occasion rise to it....

“I never have been able to determine Just how it is that the judicial ermine Is safely guarded from predacious vermin.” “It is not so, my friend: though in a garret ’Tis kept in camphor, and you often...

“I’ve found the secret of your charm,” I said, Expounding with complacency my guess. Alas! the charm, even as I named it, fled, For all its secret was unconsciousness....

Study good women and ignore the rest, For he best knows the sex who knows the best....

O statesmen, what would you be at, With torches, flags and bands? You make me first throw up my hat, And then my hands....

“Let music flourish!” So he said and died. Hark! when he’s gone the minstrelsy begins: The symphonies ascend, a swelling tide, Melodious thunders fill the welkin wide⁠— The grand old lawyers, chinning...

I fell asleep and dreamed that I Was flung, like Vulcan, from the sky; Like him was lamed⁠—another part: His leg was crippled, and my heart. I woke in time to see my love Conceal a letter in her glove...

God said: “Let there be noise.” The dawning fire Of Independence gilded every spire....

“If life were not worth living,” said the preacher, “ ’Twould have in suicide one pleasant feature.” “An error,” said the pessimist, “you’re making: What’s not worth having cannot be worth taking.”...

Lord of the tempest, pray refrain From leveling this church again. Now in its doom, since so you’ve willed it, We acquiesce. But you’ll rebuild it....

“Lothario is very low,” So all the doctors tell. Nay, nay, not so⁠—he will be, though, If ever he get well....

A conqueror as provident as brave, He robbed the cradle to supply the grave. His reign laid quantities of human dust: He fell upon the just and the unjust....

Good for he’s old? Ah, Youth, you do not dream How sweet the roses in the autumn seem!...

I saw the devil. He was working free⁠— A customs-house he builded by the sea. “Why do you this?” The devil raised his head: “Of churches I have built enough,” he said....

“By prayer see Megapomp restored,” Shouts Martext, pious creature. Yes, God by supplication bored From every droning preacher, Exclaimed: “So be it, tiresome crew; But I’ve a crow to pick with you.”...

The paper presented he solemnly signed, Gasping⁠—perhaps ’twas a jest he meant: “This of a sound and disposing mind Is the last illwill and contestament.”...

My! how my fame rings out in ever zone⁠— A thousand critics shouting: “He’s unknown!”...

On Evidence, on Deeds, on Bills, On Copyhold, on Loans, on Wills, Lawyers great books indite. The creaking of their busy quills I never heard on Right....

Looking across the line, the Grecian said: “This border I will stain a Turkey red.” The Moslem smiled securely and replied: “No Greek has ever for his country dyed.” While thus each patriot guarded hi...

Courageous fool!⁠—the peril’s strength unknown. Courageous man!⁠—so conscious of your own....

Affronting fool, subdue your transient light; When Wisdom’s dull dares Folly to be bright? If Genius stumble in the path to fame ’Tis decency in dunces to go lame....

No more the swindler singly seeks his prey: To hunt in couples is the modern way⁠— A rascal, from the public to purloin, An honest man to hide away the coin....

Great poets fire the world with fagots big That make a crackling racket, But I’m content with but a whispering twig To warm some single jacket....

Says England to Germany: “Africa’s ours.” Says Germany: “Ours, I opine.” Says Africa: “Tell me, delectable Powers, What is it that ought to be mine?”...

When men at candidacy don’t connive, From that suspicion if their friends would free ’em, The teeth and nails with which they do not strive Should be exhibited in a museum....

Begirt with bombs that fall and flames that rise, The Tsar, bewildered, stares. “Alas,” he cries, “Life withholds joy and death denies release! And Roosevelt would have me think this peace.”...

“ ‘Empress of China’! I nor rule nor reign: I wear the purple but to hide the chain⁠— Free only to hold back the open door For foreign devils drunk upon my floor.”...

On Maunday Thursday, as was good and meet, The Emperor of Austria washed the feet Of twelve poor men to show how humble he For twenty minutes of the year could be. O Thou, who trackest tenants of the ...

She jilted me. I madly cried: “The grave at least can hold her!” Reflecting then that if she died ’Twould stop her growing older, I pitilessly sheathed the knife And sternly sentenced her to life!...

List, England, to our words of scorn For noblemen to title born! Yet be thine eyes awhile depressed, For one has turned his prow to-west, And we, to catch his landing-line, Are pickling all our shins ...

A duel in France, and the victor pursued By the dogs of the law, by the multitude, By society’s fierce ill-will! O what is the matter? The man was so rude, That he made an attempt to kill!...

There’s grief in Belgrade, for no crown, it is said, Is found for King Peter in all of the town. How sad that he’s lacking a crown for his head! How sweet were he lacking a head for his crown!...

Cried Age to Youth: “Abate your speed!⁠— The distance hither’s brief indeed.” But Youth pressed on without delay⁠— The shout had reached but half the way....

Says Gerald Massey: “When I write, a band Of souls of the departed guides my hand.” How strange that poems cumbering our shelves, Penned by immortal parts, have none themselves!...

O bear me, gods, to some enchanted isle Where woman’s tears can antidote her smile....

His “Hoosier poems” Riley says he writes Upon an empty stomach. Heavenly Powers, Feed him throat-full: for what the wretch indites Upon his empty stomach empties ours!...

Nathaniel, Julian, Hildegardy! Sure the stock is far from hardy, And the name once heard with awe Now provokes the loud guffaw⁠— “Hawthorne” in the memory dear, “Haw-haw-hawthorne” in the ear!...

What parallel, neighbor, be pleased to expound ’Twixt Belgium’s king and you may be found? Why this: if the cable dispatches are true He lies on his deathbed. So would you....

“This thing’s a bomb,” said Gompers, lighting The fuse; “ ’twill blow them all a kiting!” Well, now ’tis shattered all to pieces. And Gompers but a spot of grease is....

O, Sinner A, to me unknown Be such a conscience as your own! To ease it, you to Sinner B Confess the sins of Sinner C....

God dreamed⁠—the suns sprang flaming into place, And sailing worlds with many a venturous race! He woke⁠—His smile alone illumined space....

When Admonition’s hand essays Our greed to curse, Its lifted finger oft displays Our missing purse....

Fear not in any tongue to call Upon the Lord⁠—He’s skilled in all. But if He answereth my plea He speaketh one unknown to me....

Noting the hangman’s frown and the law’s righteous rage, Our murderers live in terror till they die of age....

The Devil troubled a pool of mud, And Vierick from out the smother Arose and to prove his royal blood Defamed his peasant mother. Dear Devil, his poems⁠—we’ll suffer all those, But do not again provok...

“Let’s bury the hatchet,” said Miller to Platt; And Platt said to Miller: “I’ll gladly do that.” On its grave, Warner Miller, the grasses grow not, But the wind in your hair whistles over the spot....

Most of the verses in this volume are republished from newspapers and periodicals of the Pacific Coast. Naturally, the collection includes few not relating to persons and events more or less familiar ...

Most of the verses in this volume are republished from newspapers and periodicals of the Pacific Coast. Naturally, the collection includes few not relating to persons and events more or less familiar ...

I dreamed I was dreaming one morn as I lay In a garden with flowers teeming⁠— On an island I lay, in a mystical bay, In the dream that I dreamed I was dreaming. The ghost of a scent⁠—had it followed m...

Lord, shed thy light upon his desert path, And gild his branded brow, that no man spill His forfeit life to balk Thy holy will That spares him for the ripening of wrath. Already, lo! the red sign is d...

Wallace, created on a noble plan To show us that a Judge can be a Man; Through moral mire exhaling mortal stench God-guided sweet and foot-clean to the Bench; In salutation here and sign I lift A hand...

A newspaper Death-poet sat at his desk, Wrapped in appropriate gloom; His posture was pensive and picturesque, Like a raven charming a tomb. Enter a party a-drinking the cup Of sorrow⁠—and likewise of...

Boruck and Waterman upon their grills In Hades lay, with many a sigh and groan, Hotly disputing, for each swore his own Were clearly keener than the other’s ills. And, truly, each had much to boast of...

What! you whip rascals?⁠—you, whose gutter blood Bears, in its dark, dishonorable flood, Enough of prison-birds’ prolific germs To serve a whole eternity of terms? You, for whose back the rods and cud...

In that fair city by the inland sea Where Blaine unhived his Presidential bee Frank Pixley’s meeting with George Gorham sing, Celestial muse, and what events did spring From the encounter of those mig...

Be pleased, O Lord, to take a people’s thanks That Thine avenging sword has spared our ranks⁠— That thou hast parted from our lips the cup And forced our neighbors’ lips to drink it up. Father of Merc...

Sharon, ambitious of immortal shame, Fame’s dead-wall daubed with his illustrious name⁠— Served in the Senate, for our sins, his time, Each word a folly and each vote a crime; Law for our governance w...

Sharon, ambitious of immortal shame, Fame’s dead-wall daubed with his illustrious name⁠— Served in the Senate, for our sins, his time, Each word a folly and each vote a crime; Law for our governance w...

Lo! the new Sharon with a new intent, Making no laws, but keen to circumvent The laws of Nature (since he can’t repeal) That break his failing body on the wheel. As Tantalus again and yet again The el...

Ring up the curtain and the play protract! Behold our Sharon in his last mad act. With man long warring, quarreling with God, He crouches now beneath a woman’s rod Predestined for his back while yet i...

Pennoyer, Governor of Oregon, Casting to South his eye across the bourne Of his dominion (where the Palmiped, With leathers ’twixt his toes, paddles his marsh, Amphibious) saw a rising cloud of hats, ...

O never an oathe sweares he, And never a pig-taile jerkes; With a brick-batte he ne lurkes For to buste ye crust, perdie, Of ye man from over sea, A-synging as he werkes. For he knows ful well, ys you...

Like a worn mother he attempts in vain To still the unruly Crier of his brain: The more he rocks the cradle of his chin, The more uproarious grows the brat within....

You’re grayer than one would have thought you: The climate you have over there In the East has apparently brought you Disorders affecting the hair, Which⁠—pardon me⁠—seems a bit spare. You’ll not take...

Says Anderson, Theosophist: “Among the many that exist In modern halls. Some lived in ancient Egypt’s clime, And in their childhood saw the prime Of Karnak’s walls.” Ah, Anderson, if that is true ’Tis...

The moon in the field of the keel-plowed main Was watching the growing tide; A luminous peasant was driving his wain, And he offered my soul a ride. But I nourished a sorrow uncommonly tall, And I fix...

The Seraphs came to Christ and said: “Behold! The man, presumptuous and overbold, Who boasted that his mercy could excel Thine own, is dead and on his way to Hell.” Gravely the Savior asked: “What did...

I stood upon a hill. The setting sun Was crimson with a curse and a portent, And scarce his angry ray lit up the land That lay below, whose lurid gloom appeared Freaked with a moving mist, which, reek...

Professor dear, I think it queer That all these good religions (’Twixt you and me, some two or three Are schemes for plucking pigeons)⁠— I mean ’tis strange that every change Our poor minds to unfette...

Hear me sing of Sally Larkin who, I’d have you understand, Played accordions as well as any lady in the land; And I’ve often heard it stated that her fingering was such That Professor Schweinenhauer w...

Nightly I put up this humble petition: “Forgive me, O Father of Glories, My sins of commission, my sins of omission, My sins of the Mission Dolores!”...

Hard by an excavated street one sat In solitary session on the sand; And ever and anon he spake and spat And spake again⁠—a yellow skull in hand, To which that retrospective Pioneer Addressed the few ...

“O son of mine age, these eyes lose their fire: Be eyes, I pray, to thy dying sire.” “O father, fear not, for mine eyes are bright⁠— I read through a millstone at dead of night.” “My son, O tell me, w...

I’d long been dead, but I returned to earth. Some small affairs posterity was making A mess of, and I came to see that worth Received its dues. I’d hardly finished waking, The grave-mould still upon m...

Ira P. Rankin, you’ve a nasal name⁠— I’ll sound it through “the speaking-trump of fame,” And wondering nations, hearing from afar The brazen twang of its resounding jar, Shall say: “These bards are an...

I dreamed one night that Stephen Massett died, And for admission up at Heaven applied. “Who are you?” asked St. Peter. Massett said: “Jeems Pipes, of Pipesville.” Peter bowed his head, Opened the gate...

“Let John P. Irish rise!” the edict rang As when Creation into being sprang! Nature, not clearly understanding, tried To make a bird that on the air could ride. But naught could baffle the creative pl...

What! Salomon! such words from you, Who call yourself a soldier? Well, The Southern brother where he fell Slept all your base oration through. Alike to him⁠—he cannot know Your praise or blame: as lit...

Your influence, my friend, has gathered head⁠— To east and west its tides encroaching spread. There’ll be, on all God’s foot-stool, when they meet, No clean spot left for Him to set His feet....

Strolling at sunset in my native land, With fruits and flowers thick on either hand, I crossed a Shadow flung athwart my way, Emerging on a waste of rock and sand. “The apples all are gone from here,”...

John Jackson, once a soldier bold, Hath still a martial feeling; So, when he sees a foe, behold! He charges him⁠—with stealing. He cares not how much ground to-day He gives for men to doubt him; He’s ...

Goldenson hanged! Well, Heaven forbid That I should smile above him: Though truth to tell, I never did Exactly love him. It can’t be wrong, though, to rejoice That his unpleasing capers Are ended. Sil...

What! Pixley, must I hear you call the roll Of all the vices that infest your soul? Was’t not enough that lately you did bawl Your money-worship in the ears of all? Still must you crack your brazen ch...

Bruce Douglas, nephew to a Scottish Earl, Sat in the City Prison, low in heart And spirits. Round him lay the forms of men⁠— Men of the people, of ignoble birth⁠— Prone or supine in sleep; but sleep a...

What! you a Senator?⁠—you, Mike de Young? Still reeking of the gutter whence you sprung? Sir, if all Senators were such as you⁠— Their hands so slender and so crimson too (Shaped to the pocket for com...

Among the notables one day that came To see the President was one whose name Was known from Puerto Rico to Luzon, Although it wasn’t Smith nor even John. Renowned in field and council too, for he Had ...

Old Nick from his place of last resort Came up and looked the world over. He saw how the grass of the good was short And the wicked lived in clover. And he gravely said: “This is all, all wrong, And n...

Someone (’tis hardly new) has oddly said The color of a trumpet’s blare is red; And Joseph Emmett thinks the crimson shame On woman’s cheek a trumpet-note of fame. The more the red storm rises round h...

To him in whom the love of Nature has Imperfectly supplanted the desire And dread necessity of food, your shore, Fair Oakland, is a terror. Over all Your sunny level, from Tamaletown To where the Pest...

Mackay’s hot wrath to Bonynge, direful spring Of blows unnumbered, heavenly goddess, sing⁠— That wrath which hurled to Hellman’s office floor Two heroes, mutually smeared with gore, Whose hair in hand...

Hail, blessed Blunder! golden idol, hail!⁠— Clay-footed deity of all who fail. Celestial image, let thy glory shine, Thy feet concealing, but a lamp to mine. Let me, at seasons opportune and fit, By t...

Welcker, I’m told, can boast a father great And honored in the service of the State. Public Instruction all his mind employs⁠— He guides its methods and its wage enjoys. Prime Pedagogue, imperious and...

When Marriot, distressed by an “attack,” Has the strange insolence to answer back He hides behind a name that is a lie, And out of shadow falters his reply. God knows him, though⁠—identified alike By ...

Attend, mine enemies of all degrees, From sandlot orators and other fleas To fallen gentlemen and rising louts Who babble slander at your drinking bouts, And, filled with unfamiliar wine, begin Lies d...

Still as he climbed into the public view His charms of person more apparent grew, Till the pleased world that watched his airy grace Saw nothing of him but his nether face⁠— Forgot his follies with hi...

The proverb hath it, Waterman: “There never is great loss without Some little gain.” ’Tis Nature’s plan Of restitution, I’ve no doubt; As sometimes a repentant thief Restores, for conscience’s relief,...

Jacob Jacobs, of Oakland, he swore: “Dat Solomon Martin⁠—I’ll haf his gore!” Solomon Martin, of Oakland, he said: “Of Shacob Shacobs der bleed I vill shed!” So they met, with seconds and surgeon at ca...

Refrain, dull orator, from speaking out, For silence deepens when you raise the shout; But when you hold your tongue we hear, at least, Your noise in mastering that little beast....

Behold! the days of miracle at last Return⁠—if ever they were truly past: From sinful creditors’ unholy greed The church called Calvary at last is freed⁠— So called for there the Savior’s crucified, R...

Thus the poor ass whose appetite has ne’er Known than the thistle any sweeter fare Thinks all the world eats thistles. Thus the clown, The wit and Mentor of the country town, Grins through the collar ...

The friends who stood about my bed Looked down upon my face and said: “God’s will be done⁠—the fellow’s dead.” When from my body I was free I straightway felt myself, ah me! Sink downward to the life ...

John S. Hittell, whose sovereign genius wields The quill his tributary body yields; The author of an opera⁠—that is, All but the music and libretto’s his: A work renowned, whose formidable name, Linke...

O Reverend Ravlin, once with sounding lung You shook the bloody banner of your tongue, Urged all the fiery boycotters afield And swore you’d rather see them die than yield. Alas, how brief the time, h...

Dr. Jewell speaks of Balaam And his vices, to assail ’em. Ancient enmities how cruel!⁠— Balaam cudgeled once a Jewell....

Ben Truman, you’re a genius and can write, Though one would not suspect it from your looks. You lack that certain spareness which is quite Distinctive of the persons who make books. You show the workm...

In fair San Francisco a good man did dwell, And he wrote out a will, for he didn’t feel well. Said he: “It is proper, when making a gift, To stimulate virtue by comforting thrift.” So he left all his ...

A reporter he was, and he wrote, wrote he: “The grave was covered as thick as could be With floral tributes”⁠—which reading, The editor man he said, he did so: “For ‘floral tributes’ he’s got for to g...

Beneath his coat of dirt great Neilson loves To hide the avenging rope. He handles all he touches without gloves, Excepting soap....

As through the blue expanse he skims On joyous wings, the late Frank Hutchings overtakes Miss Sims, Both bound for Heaven’s high gate. In life they loved and (God knows why A lover so should sue) He s...

I’ve sometimes wished that Ingersoll were wise To hold his tongue, nor rail against the skies; For when he’s made a point some pious dunce Like Bartlett of the Bulletin “replies.” I brandish no iconoc...

High Lord of Liars, Senex, unto thee Let meaner mortals bend the subject knee! Thine is mendacity’s imperial crown, Alike by genius, action and renown. No man, since words could set a cheek aflame E’e...

His caw is a cackle, his eye is dim, And he mopes all day on the lowest limb; Not a word says he, but he snaps his bill And twitches his palsied head, as a quill, The ultimate plume of his pride and h...

I lay one happy night in bed And dreamed that all the dogs were dead. They’d all been taken out and shot⁠— Their bodies strewed each vacant lot. O’er all the earth, from Berkeley down To San Leandro’s...

Not all in sorrow and in tears, To pay of gratitude’s arrears The yearly sum⁠— Not prompted, wholly by the pride Of those for whom their friends have died, To-day we come. Another aim we have in view ...

Way down in the Boom Belt lived Mrs. Roselle; A person named Petrie, he lived there as well; But Mr. Roselle he resided away⁠— Sing tooral iooral iooral iay. Once Mrs. Roselle in her room was alone: T...

I am for Cutting. I’m a blade Designed for use at dress parade. My gleaming length, when I display Peace rules the land with gentle sway; But when the war-dogs bare their teeth Go seek me in the modes...

As vicious women think all men are knaves, And shrew-bound gentlemen discourse of slaves; As reeling drunkards judge the world unsteady, And idlers swear employers ne’er get ready⁠— Thieves that the c...

I had a dream. The habitable earth⁠— Its continents and islands⁠—all was bare Of cities and of forests. Naught remained Of its old aspect, and I only knew (As men know things in dreams, unknowing how)...

Your various talents, Goldenson, command Respect: you are a poet and can draw. It is a pity that your gifted hand Should ever have been raised against the law. If you had drawn no pistol, but a pictur...

So, in the Sunday papers you, Del Mar, Damn, all great Englishmen in English speech? I am no Englishman, but in my reach A rogue shall never rail where heroes are. You are the man, if I mistake you no...

“The Social World”! O what a world it is⁠— Where full-grown men cut capers in the German, Cotillion, waltz, or what you will, and whizz And spin and hop and sprawl about like mermen! I wonder if our f...

I slept, and, waking in the years to be, Heard voices, and approaching whence they came, Listened indifferently where a key Had lately been removed. An ancient dame Said to her daughter: “Go to yonder...

Professor Gayley, you’re a great man, sure! They say that you can almost fly!⁠—can spell And parse, but cannot figure well (For mathematics is not literature) And hold⁠—with rancor⁠—that twice two are...

O Mike, have ye heard the good news? They’re gwan to have Home Rule at last; An’ a Parlyment fine they will chuse, An’ wurruk’s a thing o’ the past. They’ll vote every man an estate, Wid all he can dr...

A street contractor, t’other morn, Walked out before the day was born. The silver moon beyond his reach Had prudently retired, and each Fair golden star his clutch that feared Trembled, grew pale, and...

They say, my lord, that you’re a Warwick. Well, The title’s an absurd one, I believe: You make no kings, you have no kings to sell, Though really ’twere easy to conceive You stuffing half-a-dozen up y...

Attorney Knight, it happens so sometimes That lawyers, justifying cut-throats’ crimes For hire⁠—calumniating, too, for gold, The dead, dumb victims cruelly unsouled⁠— Speak, through the press, to a tr...

Saint Peter sat at the jasper gate, When Senator White arrived in state, “Admit me.” “With pleasure,” Peter said, Pleased to observe that the man was dead; “That’s what I’m here for. Kindly show Your ...

Come, Stanford, let us sit at ease And talk as old friends do. You talk of anything you please, And I will talk of you. You recently have said, I hear, That you would like to go To serve as Senator. T...

Pope-eater Pixley set in his den A-chewin’ upon his quid. He thought it was Leo Thirteen, and then He bit it intenser, he did. The amber which overflew from the cud Like rivers which burst out of boun...

Welcome, good friend; as you have served your term, And found the joy of crime to be a fiction, I hope you’ll hold your present faith, stand firm And not again be open to conviction. Your sins, though...

Come, sisters, weep!⁠—our Baron dear, Alas! has run away. If always we had kept him here He had not gone astray. Painter and grainer it were vain To say he was, before; And if he were, yet ne’er again...

“O venerable patriot, I pray Stand not here coatless; at the break of day We’ll know the grand result⁠—and even now The eastern sky is faintly touched with gray. “It ill befits thine age’s hoary crown...

San Quentin was brilliant. Within the halls Of the noble pile with the frowning walls (God knows they’ve enough to make them frown, With a Governor trying to break them down!) Was a blaze of light. ’T...

Sweet Spirit of Cesspool, hear a mother’s prayer: Her terrors pacify and offspring spare! Upon Silurians alone let fall (And God in Heaven have mercy on them all!) The red revenges of your fragrant br...

Sir, you’re a veteran, revealed In history and fable As warrior since you took the field, Defeating Abel. As Commissary later (or If not, in every cottage The tale is) you contracted for A mess of pot...

Listen to his wild romances: He advances foolish fancies, Each expounded as his “view”⁠— Gu. In his brain’s opacous clot, ah He has got a maggot! What a Man with “views” to overwhelm us!⁠— Gulielmus. ...

Standing within the triple wall of Hell, And flattening his nose against a grate Behind whose brazen bars he’d had to dwell A thousand million ages to that date, Stoneman bewailed his melancholy fate,...

Now Lonergan appears upon the boards, And Truth and Error sheathe their lingual swords. No more in wordy warfare to engage, The commentators bow before the stage, And bookworms, militant for ages past...

So, Waterman, you would not serve again Although we’d all agree to pay you double. You find it all is vanity and pain⁠— One clump of clover in a field of stubble⁠— One grain of pleasure in a peck of t...

The apparel does not proclaim the man⁠— Polonius lied like a partisan, And Salomon still would a hero seem If (Heaven dispel the impossible dream!) He stood in a shroud on the hangman’s trap, His eye ...

Sweet Auburn! liveliest village of the plain, Where Health and Slander welcome every train, Whence smiling innocence, its tribute paid, Retires in terror, wounded and dismayed⁠— Dear lovely bowers of ...

The Devil stood before the gate Of Heaven. He had a single mate: Behind him, in his shadow, slunk Clay Sheets in a perspiring funk. “Saint Peter, see this season ticket,” Said Satan; “pray undo the wi...

So, Estee, you are still alive! I thought That you had died and were a blessed ghost. I know at least your coffin once was bought With Railroad money; and ’twas said by most Historians that Stanford m...

“Who drives fat oxen should himself be fat;” Who sings for nobles, he should noble be. There’s no non sequitur, I think, in that, And this is logic plain as A.B.C. Now, Hector Stuart, you’re a Scottis...

Ah, welcome, welcome! Sit you down, old friend: Your pipe I’ll serve, your bottle I’ll attend. ’Tis many a year since you and I have known Society more pleasant than our own In our brief respites from...

The trumpet sounded and the dead Came forth from earth and ocean, And Pickering arose and sped Aloft with wobbling motion. “What makes him fly lop-sided?” cried A soul of the elected. “One ear was wax...

As some enormous violet that towers Colossal o’er the heads of lowlier flowers⁠— Its giant petals royally displayed, And casting half the landscape into shade; Delivering its odors, like the blows Of ...

I should like, good friends, to mention the disaster that befell Mr. William Perry Peters, of the town of Muscatel. Whose fate is full of meaning if correctly understood⁠— Admonition to the haughty, c...

Ye parasites that to the rich men stick, As to the fattest sheep the thrifty tick⁠— Ed’ard to Stanford and to Crocker, Ben (To Ben and Ed’ard many meaner men, And lice to these)⁠—who do the kind of wo...

Lo! tooth and nail my countrymen contest Which portrait of Columbus is the best. Considering that the pirate never “sat,” That is as like as this, and this as that. We want a face that shows, by all t...

Charles Shortridge, with his martial mouth in place At his own ear, shouts dreadful! Pale horrors shudder through eternal space⁠— Of which he has a headful....

Dan Burns, you’d be a Senator, I hear, And Senators are persons of much note. I cannot choose but think it very queer That you solicit for the place a vote. Why, don’t you know you’ll have to ride the...

When the skies are green with clover, And the cows are flying over; When the roses lose their fragrance; When the ants are shiftless vagrants; When the peacocks pluck their tails, And the lion pares h...

Editor Owen, of San Jose, Commonly known as “our friend J. J.,” Weary of scribbling for daily bread, Weary of writing what nobody read, Slept one day at his desk and dreamed That an angel before him s...

Good friend, it is with deep regret I note The latest, strangest turning of your coat; Though any way you wear that mental clout The seamy side seems always to be out. Who could have thought that you ...

Good Parson Dickson preached, I’m told, A sermon⁠—ah, ’twas very old And very, very, bald! ’Twas all about⁠—I know not what It was about, nor what ’twas not. “A Screw Loose” it was called. Whatever, P...

With lifted hands, Lone Mountain’s giant cross Stands in the sky against the Western splendor! (A ship beyond is playing pitch-and-toss; She hugs⁠—ships all are feminine in gender⁠— The shore, then fi...

Words shouting, singing, smiling, frowning⁠— Sense lacking. Ah, nothing, more obscure than Browning, Save blacking....

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, My legs are not so very straight; My spine, I’m sorry to observe, Maintains a most rebellious curve; My neck is skinny, and my bust Would justify a husband’s trust. But papa th...

By seven brave poems the Mikado shows His royal fitness for the field of prose. Of bold, bad bards to crown him brother-chief Dick Watson Gilder spares one laurel leaf....

Well, Mr. Kemble, you are called, I think, A great divine, and I’m a great profane. You as a Congregationalist blink Some certain truths that I esteem a gain, And drop them in the coffers of my brain,...

Charles Main, of Main & Winchester, attend With friendly ear the chit-chat of a friend Who knows you not, yet knows that you and he Travel two roads that have a common end. We journey forward through ...

When Dr. Bill Bartlett stepped out of the hum Of Mammon’s distracting and wearisome strife To stand and deliver a lecture on “Some Conditions of Intellectual Life,” I cursed the offender who gave him ...

To foreigners in San Francisco, greeting. When you see a labor-leader fiercely beating The air with all his fingers to betoken His view of this or that ere yet ’tis spoken⁠— When you see him, as in da...

My days all are wasted in vainly Contesting the field against Fate; My nights with remorses insanely Are swarming, and spectres of hate. “O for rest! O for peace!” I cry madly⁠— “Let me fall, for I fa...

Pervading pest! Old Adam, when he saw Thy prime progenitor, I doubt not, swore And kicked the curst kioodle from the door, Though now thy whelpage we protect by law. In faith, thou must have been a be...

If, Prentiss Maslin, you would kindly leave A coin or two of what the State has hoarded We’d think it generous of you; for we’ve But just begun our fortunes to retrieve, Having lost all our treasury a...

The bands have played, the singers finished singing, The flags done flapping and the bells done ringing. Hereditary candidates have spoken; Their tongues are silent and their hearts are broken⁠— Barne...

The Chinatown at Bakersfield Was blazing bright and high; The flames to water would not yield, Though torrents drenched the sky And drowned the ground for miles around⁠— The houses were so dry. Then r...

The Swan of Avon died⁠—the Swan Of Sacramento’ll soon be gone; And when his death-song he shall coo, Stand back, or it will kill you too....

Frank Pixley, you, who kiss the hand That strove to cut the country’s throat, Cannot forgive the hands that smote Applauding in a distant land⁠— Applauding carelessly, as one The weaker willing to bef...

A cook adorned with paper cap, Or waiter with a tray, May be a worthy kind of chap In his way, But when we want one for Recorder, Then, Mr. Walton, take our order....

Sir, you have killed a man and you are free⁠— That is, your hanging ne’er will come about; For I’ve observed when jurors disagree ’Tis not as ’tis when other thieves fall out. Some honest men are in t...

One day when Satan visited the earth In order that his eyes might feed his mirth, A loyal follower in sorrow said, “Father of Falsehood, to our idols wed We rear memorials in bronze and stone To every...

Mahatma Holden, Autocrat of Stars, Fixed to the telescope his curious eye And waited for some great phenomenon To seek his field of vision. Years and years, Retiring early, rising with the sun, With p...

Once⁠—in the county of Marin, Where milk is sold to purchase gin⁠— Renowned for butter and renowned For fourteen ounces to the pound⁠— A bull stood watching every turn Of Mr. Wilson with a churn, As t...

God said, “Let there be Crime,” and the command Brought Satan, leading Stoneman by the hand. “Why, that’s Stupidity, not Crime,” said God⁠— “Bring what I ordered.” Satan with a nod Replied, “This is o...

Villain, when the word is spoken, And your chains at last are broken; When the gibbet’s chilling shade Ceases darkly to enfold you, And the angel who enrolled you As a master of the trade Of assassina...

Off Santa Cruz the western wave Was crimson as with blood: The sun was sinking to his grave Beneath that angry flood. Sir Walter Turnbull, brave and stout, Then shouted, “Ho! lads; run⁠— The powder an...

’Tis the widow of Thomas Blythe, And she goeth upon the spree, And red are cheeks of the bystanders For her acts are light and free. In a seven-ounce costume The widow of Thomas Blythe, Y-perched high...

Dear man! although a stranger and a foe To soft affection’s humanizing glow; Although untaught how manly hearts may throb With more desires than the desire to rob; Although as void of tenderness as wi...

Dear man! although a stranger and a foe To soft affection’s humanizing glow; Although untaught how manly hearts may throb With more desires than the desire to rob; Although as void of tenderness as wi...

Illustrious son of an illustrious sire⁠— Entrusted with the duty to cry “Fire!” And call the engines out, exert your power With care. When, looking from your lofty tower, You see a ruddy light on ever...

Sultan of Stupids! with enough of brains To go indoors in all uncommon rains, But not enough to stay there when the storm Is past. When all the world is dry and warm, In irking comfort, lamentably gay...

Happy the man who sin’s proverbial wage Receives on the instalment plan⁠—in age. For him the bulldog pistol’s honest bark Has naught of terror in its blunt remark. He looks with calmness on the gleami...

Stanford and Huntington, so long at outs, Kissed and made up. If you have any doubts Dismiss them, for I saw them do it, man; And then⁠—why, then I clutched my purse and ran....

I dreamed that I was poor and ill and sad, Broken in hope and weary of my life; My ventures all miscarrying⁠—naught had For all my labor in the heat and strife. And in my heart some certain thoughts w...

It was a solemn rite as e’er Was seen by mortal man. The celebrants, the people there, Were all Republican. There Estee bent his grizzled head, And General Dimond, too, And one⁠—’twas Reddick, someone...

Lo! Kearney, rising on his hinder legs, For higher rates of freight and passage begs. Time was when Dennis talked another way⁠— Because he drove an opposition dray. Thus, soon or late, to override the...

My country, ’tis of thee, Sweet land of felony, Of thee I sing⁠— Land where my fathers fried Young witches and applied Whips to the Quaker’s hide And made him spring. My knavish country, thee, Land wh...

“He’s no good citizen!” the crowd Of politicians cries aloud. “How so?” says one. “Because⁠—why, curse The man! while we deplete his purse Some air contentedly he hums, Or twiddles his incivic thumbs....

Two monks upon a field of battle Observed some lean and hungry cattle. Said one: “But little feed is growing Where Death so lately has been mowing.” Replied the other, gravely eying The piles of dead ...

Once Hector Stuart in his tersest mood Took up his pencil. “By the holy rood!” He cried, “I’ll write an epigram.” He did⁠— Nay, by the holy mile his pencil slid....

An artist’s trick by which the Nude’s Protected from the eyes of prudes, Which else with their peculiar flame Might scorch the canvass in its frame, Or melt the bronze, or burn to lime The marble, in ...

Mahomet Stanford, with covetous stare, Gazed on a vision surpassingly fair: Far on the desert’s remote extreme A mountain of gold with a mellow gleam Reared its high pinnacles into the sky, The work o...

O Abner Doble⁠—whose “catarrhal name” Budd of the same might envy⁠—’tis a rough Rude thing to say, but it is plain enough Your name is to be sneezed at: its acclaim Will “fill the speaking trump of fu...

When God resolved to make the world He gathered all the matter In Chaos that was mixed and whirled In unassorted scatter. He separated that from this, And tagged on each a label, Naming all kinds of s...

The journals say that the embalming done To Garfield’s body badly was begun, Faultily finished all too soon⁠—in short Was of a most unsatisfactory sort. Unsatisfactory? How so? To whom? Has the long s...

’Tis said he wrote with wondrous ease, And that is here conceded; But anybody, if he please, Can write such verse as he did. Although for James ’twas easy quite, Another’s difficulty might In self-def...

Munhall, to have my soul you bravely try, Although, to save my soul, I can’t say why. ’Tis naught to you, to me however much⁠— Why, bless it! you might save a million such, Yet lose your own; for stil...

Nay, Peter Robertson, ’tis not for you To blubber o’er Max Taubles for he’s dead. By Heaven! my hearty, if you only knew How better is a grave-worm in the head Than brains like yours⁠—how far more dec...

Oh, Marcus D. Boruck, me hearty, I sympathize wid ye, poor lad! A man that’s shot out of his party Is mighty onlucky, bedad! An’ the sowl o’ that man is sad. But, Marcus, gossoon, ye desarve it⁠— Ye k...

Though war-signs fail in time of peace, they say, Two awful portents gloom the public mind: All Mexico is arming for the fray, And Colonel Mark McDonald has resigned! We know not by what instinct he d...

The Day of Judgment spread its glare O’er continents and seas. The graves cracked open everywhere, Like pods of early peas. Up to the Court of Heaven sped The souls of all mankind; Republicans were at...

They say, George Perry, you’re a lawyer. Well, At least that’s your profession, but in fact, Law’s like religion (though, the truth to tell, The likeness is not otherwise exact) In this, that in them ...

Great Dewey, mightiest of men, To sink or take a ship, Shows the white flag and feather when He hears the guns of Grip. Great Grip! Great Dewey! Oh, my heart, There’s less tempestuous weather When the...

Said Rockefeller, senior, to his boy: “Be good and you shall have eternal joy.” Said Rockefeller, junior, to his dad: “I never do a single thing that’s bad.” Said Rockefeller, senior⁠—long gone gray I...

You may say they won’t grow, and say they’ll decay⁠— Say it again till you’re sick of the say, Get up on your ear, blow your blaring bazoo And hire a hall to proclaim it; and you May stand on a stump ...

’Tis Master Barry, editor; He takes an holiday. Now wherefore, venerable sir, So resolutely gay? He lifts his head, he laughs aloud, Odzounds! ’tis drear to see! “Because the Boodle-Scribbler crowd Wi...

When Dr. Charles O’Donnell died They sank a box with him inside. The plate with his initials three Was simply graven⁠—“C. O’ D.” That night two demons of the Pit Adown the coal-hole shunted it. Ten mi...

Judge Armstrong, when the poor have sought your aid, To be released from vows that they have made In haste, and leisurely repented, you, As stern as Rhadamanthus (Minos too, And Aeacus) have drawn you...

Aeronaut, you’re fairly caught, Despite your bubble’s leaven: Out of the skies a lady’s eyes Have brought you down to Heaven! No more, no more you’ll freely soar Above the grass and gravel: Henceforth...

The Devil one day, coming up from the Pit All grimy with perspiration, Applied to Saint Peter and begged he’d admit Him a moment for consultation. The Saint showed him in where the Master reclined On ...

Who’s this that lispeth in the thickening throng Which crowds to claim distinction in my song? Fresh from “the palms and temples of the South,” The mixed aromas quarrel in his mouth: Of orange blossom...

I know not, Mr. Catton, who you are, Nor very clearly why; but you go far To show that you are many things beside A Chilean Consul with a tempting hide; But what they are I hardly could explain Withou...

I’m a gorgeous golden hero And my trade is taking life. Hear the twittle-twittle-tweero Of my sibilating fife And the rub-a-dub-a-dum Of my big bass drum! I’m an escort strong and bold, The Grand Army...

You say, John Irish, Mr. Taylor hath A painted beard. Quite likely that is true, And sure ’tis natural you spend your wrath On what has been least merciful to you. By Taylor’s chin, if I am not mistak...

Once Moses (in Scripture the story is told) Entreated the favor God’s face to behold. Compassion divine the petition denied Lest vision be blasted and body be fried. Yet this much, the Bible informs u...

I heard that Heaven was bright and fair, And politicians dwelt not there. ’Twas said by knowing ones that they Were in the Elsewhere⁠—so to say. So, waking from my last long sleep, I took my place amo...

There were brave men, someone has truly said, Before Atrides (those were mostly dead Behind him) and long ages ere you were Actaeon lived, Nimrod and Bahram-Gur. In strength and speed and daring they ...

Have but one God: thy knees were sore If bent in prayer to three or four. Adore no images save those The coinage of thy country shows. Take not the Name in vain. Direct Thy swearing unto some effect. ...

A misunderstanding? Why, that’s a great scandal! So stick to the weapon you know how to handle. The tongue is a very uncertain convincer; Don’t draw it at all⁠—keep it in, keep it in, sir. I never hav...

So, Parson Stebbins, you’ve released your chin To say that here, and here, we press-folk ail. ’Tis a great thing an editor to skin And hang his faulty pelt upon a nail (If over-eared, it has, at least...

Writer folk across the bay Take the pains to see and say⁠— All their upward palms in air: “Joaquin Miller’s cut his hair!” Hasten, hasten, writer folk⁠— In the gutters rake and poke, If by God’s excee...

It is the gallant Seventh⁠— It fyghteth faste and free! God wot the where it fyghteth I ne desyre to be. The Gonfalon it flyeth, Seeming a Flayme in Sky; The Bugel loud yblowen is, Which sayeth, Doe a...

Dear Bruner, once we had a little talk (That is to say, ’twas I did all the talking) About the manner of your moral walk: How devious the trail you made in stalking, On level ground, your law-protecte...

O, justice, you have fled, to dwell In Mexico, unstrangled, Lest you should hang as high as⁠—well, As Haman dangled. (I know not if his cord be twanged, Or the King proved forgiving. ’Tis hard to thin...

So, Hall McAllister, you’ll not be warned⁠— My protest slighted, admonition scorned! To save your scoundrel client from a cell As loth to swallow him as he to swell Its sum of meals insurgent (it decr...

Charles Shortridge once to St. Peter came. “Down!” cried the saint with his face aflame; “ ’Tis writ that every hardy liar Shall dwell forever and ever in fire!” “That’s what I said the night that I d...

I turned my eyes upon the Future’s scroll And saw its pictured prophecies unroll. I saw that magical life-laden train Flash its long glories o’er Nebraska’s plain. I saw it smoothly up the mountain gl...

“Open wide, ye golden gates That lead to the heavenly shore: Our father suffered in passing through, And mother weighs still more.” “Our papa dear has gone to heaven To make arrangements for eleven.” ...

O Lord, incline Thine ear unto our prayer And preachers’ intercession: This strange discrimination is unfair⁠— That’s our impression. Our neighbors all about have copious rains That fall on them like ...

Big Smith is an Oakland School Board man, And he looks as good as ever he can; And he’s such a cold and a chaste Big Smith That snowflakes all are his kin and kith. Wherever his eye he chances to thro...

Dawn heralded the coming sun⁠— Fort Douglas was computing The minute⁠—and the sunrise gun Was manned for his saluting. The gunner at that firearm stood, The which he slowly loaded, When, bang!⁠—I know...

So, gentle critics, you would have me tilt, Not at the guilty, only at their guilt!⁠— Spare the offender and condemn Offense, And make life miserable to Pretense! “Whip Vice and Folly⁠—that is satire’...

The Senate met in Sacramento city; On public morals it had no committee, Though greatly these abounded. Soon the quiet Was broken by the Senators in riot. Now, at the end of their infectious quarrels,...

Saint Peter, sitting at the Gate of Gold, Looked idly down the cloudway and, behold, A soul ascending from this world of woe, Head up, hands pocketed⁠—serene and bold! (To souls, such pockets are, I k...

He tolls them along through the wilderness dire, Ever in sight⁠— A clod by day and a pillar of fire⁠— Water by night....

Why should he not have been allowed To thread with peaceful feet the crowd That filled that Christian street? The Decalogue he had observed, From Faith in Jesus had not swerved, And scorning pious pla...

Running for Senator with clumsy pace, He stooped so low to win the foremost place That Fortune, tempted by a mark so droll, Sprang in and kicked him to the winning pole....

Back further than I know, in San Francisco dwelt a wealthy man. So rich was he That none could be Wise, good and great in like degree. ’Tis true he wrought, In deed or thought, But few of all the thin...

The Senate woke; the Chairman’s snore Was stilled, its echoes balking; The startled members dreamed no more, For Steele, who long had held the floor, Had suddenly ceased talking. As, like Elijah, in h...

In fair Yosemite, that den of thieves Wherein the minions of the moon divide The travelers’ purses, lo! the Devil grieves, His larger share as leader still denied. El Capitan, foreseeing that his reig...

Within my dark and narrow bed I rested well, new-laid: I heard above my fleshless head The grinding of a spade. A gruffer note ensued and grew To harsh and harsher strains: The poet Bashford then I kn...

I dreamed that Gabriel took his horn On Resurrection’s fateful morn, And lighting upon Laurel Hill Blew long, blew loud, blew high and shrill. The houses compassing the ground Rattled their windows at...

Hasten, children, black and white⁠— Celebrate the yearly rite. Every pupil plant a tree: It will grow some day to be Big and strong enough to bear A School Director hanging there....

Unbeautiful is the Piute! Howe’er bedecked with bravery, His person is unsavory⁠— Of soap he’s destitute. He multiplies upon the earth In spite of all admonishing; All censure his astonishing And vers...

He held a book in his knotty paws, And its title grand read he: “The Chronicles of the Kings” it was, By the History Companee. “I’m a monarch,” he said (But a tear he shed) “And my picter here you see...

Saint Peter, standing at the Gate, beheld A soul whose body Death had lately felled. A pleasant soul as ever was, he seemed: His step was joyous and his visage beamed. “Good morning, Peter.” There was...

That from you, neighbor! to whose vacant lot Each rhyming literary knacker scourges His cart-compelling Pegasus to trot, As folly, vanity or famine urges? Admonished by the stimulating goad, How gaily...

It was a bruised and battered chap The victim of some dire mishap, Who sat upon a rock and spent His breath in this ungay lament: “Some wars⁠—I’ve frequent heard of such⁠— Has beat the everlastin’ Dut...

What! you were born, you animated doll, Within the shadow of the Capitol? ’Twas always thought (and history so assures Its trusting readers) it was reared in yours....

The night was dark, the way was steep: I scarcely, for fatigue, could creep. “Fatigue, begone!” I cried. Not so; It tarried and would not bego. At length the last wan glimmer died, Of hope that lit up...